It all started one innocent Saturday morning in 1963 when Brigham Potemkin and his distant cousin Joseph Potemkin relaxed by the well worn, peeling fence they shared between their properties and were supposed to be painting. The two men had been discussing getting a tee time for golf and how to slip away without finishing painting the fence.

While Brigham dozed in the shade, a revelation hit his neighbor Joseph from on high like as even to be with the force of a heavy metal object presented to the back of the head. "Jesus Christ, It's Saturday, Paint," bellowed a voice from on high that somehow sounded like Mrs. Potemkin. Brigham slowly sat up from his nap and watched his relative writhe on the ground, not realizing his own fate was approaching from behind. Soon he too received a revelation which struck him as with the force of another one iron swung in anger (only God and the Potemkin women can hit one irons): "You heard her you moron, it's Saturday, paint that fence!"

Both wounded men slowly woke to full concentration and came to the realization that God must have spoken to them. Piecing together what they could remember from their revelation, they immediately formed the Church of Jesus Christ on Saturday Paints. It made more and more sense as they quickly scraped and painted their fence. Joseph later hurried inside to begin writing what he hoped would be a book of sacred scriptures for the new group. Brigham began scouting the area for a church site. He eventually found the huge sludge pit/retention pond from the old Carling Black Label Brewery on Wolfpen Pleasant Hill Road in what is now Miami Township. He christened the site The Great Malt Lake. It is believed to vary between 3.2% and 6% alcohol depending on rain runoff from the old collapsed brewery vats. The Church Of Saturday Paints was off and running. Miami Township was briefly dubbed Malt Lake City but quickly changed the name back as the peculiarities of the new religious cult began to surface.

Brigham announces "This is it" as he renames the old brewery retention pond "The Great Malt Lake."

Male followers soon gravitated to the male dominant teachings of the two self proclaimed prophets. More men showed up every day. Joseph Potemkin soon called his book The Book Of More Manly Men. Because of this scripture his followers began referring to themselves as More Manly Men. Every night scores of men were seen joyfully and loudly baptizing each other repeatedly in the 6% end of the lake. The membership grew rapidly when Joseph Potemkin added a chapter to the Book of More Manly Men calling for the taking of young girls and women as extra wives. In his book "The Girl Of Great Price" he decreed that men could only take extra wives if they made extra offerings to the church—thus no man could have too many more wives without getting a second job. Both the church and the local economy grew quite rapidly.

In an interesting side light believed to be miraculous by the followers, both Brigham and Joseph displayed "Stigmata" consisting of facial cuts and bruises after every time they went home to their spouses and discussed adding extra wives. These miraculous marks also appeared every time after the two men attempted to choose extra wives during the Sunday morning "Supplemental Draft of Young Female Talent" portion of the service they conducted. Heeding this divine "Stigmatic" inspiration, neither man took an extra wife. It would turn out to be a most fortuitous decision.

Little is known of Brigham Potemkin or his background. Old Milford Police records describe a B. Potemki who faced a fraud indictment over his door-to-door peddling of a product called Jehovah's Witness Repellent Spray. There is no evidence to deny or support that name as being an alias of Brigham Potemkin. Joseph Potemkin is believed to be the same "Joseph Potemkin" who started the ill-fated Roaming Cat Lick Church. (See: Cat Scratch Fever)

Joseph Potemkin models the secret ceremonial underwear he designed for church members to wear.

A most colorful chapter in the area's rich history has come to an end. Today the church has gone out of existence although the two aging founders and their remaining followers can be seen splashing about the old brewery pit on a Saturday night. Both self styled prophets bristle at the suggestion their church was the product of serious head injuries rather tham divine inspiration. The Potemkin fence is regularly painted and the Stigmata wounds have all but healed without a trace. A number of followers remain imprisoned due to the fact that polygamy is still illegal and certainly old men cannot get away with actively pursuing 14 year old girls as plural wives except in portions of some western states. Anywhere else they are called sexual predators and locked up.