CONGRATULATIONS! You have been accepted for entry into a degree program. By using the Microsoft Insta Privacy Scan ® we have instantly checked your credit rating, family history and all known mentions of you in public and private documents and records including educational and legal files. Finding only questions about your driving skills and some minor character issues, our computer has determined that you are Escambia University Diploma material and will now scan your computer and relevant banking records for credit card numbers which will automatically enlist you in our Pyramid Tuition Payment Plan! You're in! You may wish to view the diploma you've just been awarded: Your Diploma You are now among the elite. Escambia graduates and administrators are highly sought after. At last count, fifty states and over 24 foreign countries have expressed an interest in the whereabouts of numerous certain Escambia grads and staff! Your degree is a doctorate (PhD) in American Studies. If you wish a degree in some other field please email us with the request. Be sure to also email us (using the Microsoft CD Tray Cash Transaction Adaptor ®) a cash down payment of $5000 with your request.

WARNING!

It has come to our attention that Diploma Mills are operating freely on the Internet. Don't give your money away to strangers.

Here are the top ten warning signs that you could be dealing with a diploma mill:

1. Be wary of schools that flaunt fancy buildings and grounds. A good school like Escambia University can save educational dollars by operating out of one building and a simple computer. Beware of schools that require you to spend some time on their campus.

2. Be careful when dealing with schools that seem to be bragging about the educational backgrounds of their faculty members. Think about the best teacher you had in elementary school. Do you think that person had a Ph.D?

3. Watch out for the institution that expects you to pay for every class you take. Progressive institutions such as EU charge by the diploma...thus making budgeting simple and straightforward. You are wise to wonder why they charge by the credit hour.

4. Good students have been swallowed whole by big impersonal institutions. The faculty and directors of EU are vegetarians. "Nuff said?"

5. How is the athletic program funded? Solid schools like EU don't charge huge student activity fees yet our athletic teams are legendary.

6. Be alarmed when a school stresses its accreditation! You should ask yourself why they are hiding behind some accreditating agency. Schools such as EU allow you to judge their effectiveness without third party prejudices.

7. Does the prospective school seem to concentrate on its long storied tradition. Beware of schools that are stuck in their ways. EU is an innovator.

8. Be concerned when a school has a pamphlet that talks about the social life and intellectual climate on campus. The diploma is what you should be after. You should be free to build your own social life.

9. Scrutnize the program of any school that accepts government funding of any kind. Escambia accepts no funding and thus avoids the "Strings Attached" that hamper innovation. We further cut red tape by maintaining our business operations on our boat in the Gulf. You are thus freed from cumbersome government regulations.

10. Be skeptical if the school you are considering has a complicated admissions policy. EU admits everyone! Be wary of schools that insist on seeing your transcripts and earlier diplomas. Why don't they trust you?