CONGRATULATIONS!
Here is your beautiful Escambia University Diploma, suitable for printing and framing. You are in good company. Posthumous diplomas have been awarded to Albert Einstein, Enrico Fermi, Charles DeGaulle, Moses, Ernest Hemingway, Moe Howard, Franklin Roosevelt and Marilyn Monroe! AND you didn't have to die to get your diploma! Make sure to print your name and date on the diploma. We would appreciate being notified of your degree but it is not required. Go forth and dominate!
| NOW LOOK WHAT THIS DIPLOMA
CAN DO FOR YOU! People In Positions: The following people have
been invited to make presentations during this year's career
recruitment days. We feel they are good examples of what one can do
with a EU degree.
Business is picking up
for Snarly Page (Class of '97) He has been promoted to the Deposit
Collections Department at Wedgewood Race Track. He is responsible for
collecting scattered deposits in and around the stall areas.
Betty "Bubbles" Teton
(Class of '04) has apparently made a reputation for herself as a
telephone operator in Dallas. She was recently the subject of a Sixty
Minutes episode about Call Girls which will air soon.
It's the outdoor life for
2002 graduate Desmond Dooless. Since receiving his sheepskin, Desmond
has been camping out in Golden Gate Park in San Francisco. By day Des
works in the highly competitve Spare Coinage Industry. Nights will find
him following his passion for wine tasting.
Wade Deeply (Class of
'97) continues to gather an army to reclaim his native Canada from the
space aliens who conquered it while he was earning his Mental Health
Degree here at EU. Prior to this he was a policy advisor to
presidential hopeful Pat Buchanan.
Earning her Ph.D. in 2001
from EU did not end Sally Shallow's quest for education on the
Internet. It is now Rev. Sally. She operates "That Trucking Sally"--a
fleet of mobile Faith Healing/Quicky Massage trucks in the vicinity of
Philadelphia.
Henry Brvtde '97 "Hank"
has entered into a three month agreement with Washington County,
Indiana to pick up trash along county roads as part of a plea agreement.
Sally Wicckerstump '98
has been promoted to the rank of Trustee in an Ohio State Prison where
she is working on some obligations surrounding her interest in forgery.
Nigel Golightly '95 is
working closely with a group of men who are cleaning up Harris County
Pennsylvania under the supervision of the Sheriff.
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So
many of our former students are working to beautify their communities
that they are too numerous to mention. Each time I've passed a group of
citizens in orange jump suits working along a highway, I've always
recognized at least one or two former E.U. students. These selfless
citizens will often chain themselves to other volunteers in case
someone would suddenly need to be pulled out of the way of an errant
automobile. Community service and an E.U. degree seem to go hand in
hand. Most will tell you that their E.U. experience got them where they
are today. Many grads spend hours circulataing through the cities
seeking donations for the poor. The next time you hear someone ask if
you can spare some change for a poor drunk reach deep in your pockets.
You'll probably be dealing with a fellow grad! And the word is getting
around. Just the other day I encountered a homeless wino. Before he
could ask for money, I proudly told him I was an Escambia grad. To my
surprise, the man reached in his overcoat and handed me a handful of
coins. That's gratitude. Why, I think I actually saw a tear in the
man's eye as he patted my shoulder!