CONGRESSIONAL MARRIAGE The Ballad Of Buck And Femme...or, Why Gay Marriage Excites Republicans As near as I can tell from observing the campaigns of the Republicans running for the US House Of Representatives and The Senate, Gay marriage is the greatest threat facing America today. Apparently the only thing that separates otherwise heterosexual Republicans from a life of homosexual debauchery is the lack of legal recognition of Gay marriage. One can only imagine what would happen if Gay marriages were legally recognized and endowed with the economic and legal perks that go with marriage in America. Can't you just imagine the dinner conversation on the day after Gay marriage is recognized by the authorities as legal. Scenes like this will be repeated across the country: Republican husband to wife: "Dear, I've met someone else. Do you remember that guy named Edgar that I always go fishing with...the guy they used to call Femme? Since it's been legalized by those evil Liberals there is no reason for me not to become homosexual. Edgar likes to fish and hunt and he knows a lot more about NASCAR than any woman I know. Now he and I can file that joint tax return." Republican wife to husband: "It's Ok. I've been waiting for the Liberals to do this so that I can marry that girl we called 'Buck' in high school. We can wear each other's clothes—she can wear my dresses and skirts, not just the underwear like you do. I'll look good in her flannel shirts. It's the fault of those Democrats. They've ruined straight marriage just like they've taken all the fun out of the Iraq war." So many Republicans will apparently be stepping directly from the closet to what Paul Harvey would call happy wedded "homo sex" that books like "Heather Has Two Mommies" and "Daddy's Roommate" will be removed from the banned list at suburban school libraries. That energy won't go to waste as Republicans can step up their attack on Harry Potter. On the down side, all of that frustrated energy that many big business executives had been channeling into business aggression will now find release in personal relationships. Corporate profits may suffer but at least board rooms and executive offices will be better decorated. Ah, the old family values subterfuge! It's now right up there with patriotism and religion as the last refuges of desperate politicians and other scoundrels. Have you ever noticed that one party had control of the White House, Congress, Courts, most state governments, most big news outlets, most religions and most big businesses yet, somehow this party claims that the other party was responsible for all of our ills. Have you ever noticed that issues like Gay marriage, family values and flag burning only get talked about when there is an election looming or major problems need to be covered up? Why would Republicans want abortion outlawed? It's a wonderful vote getter as it is. Republican leaders don't want abortion completely outlawed anymore than they want national gun laws similar to Vermont's near total "hands off" acknowledgment of the Second Amendment. You see, these "issues" can be stirred up as vote getters so that well meaning folks will vote for people who support the tax cuts and economic rules favoring the rich. Don't you think that Republican leaders secretly refer to you as "Gun Nuts" and "Abortion Crazies" when they are planning their campaigns? And I must admit I have missed something somewhere. When did hate become a family value? Consider These Thoughts: Over 4000 really good folks of ours have been killed in a war that may have been staged for political reasons and instigated under fraudulent claims. Many thousands have been seriously wounded. We'll never know the total for the tens of thousands of Iraqi men, women and children who have been killed. We don't know the story and may never know—especially if the Congress doesn't act and the courts are packed with partisan political hacks. What we do know is that once again a steady stream of body bags and severely wounded people are coming home from a quagmire. It's easy to sneer: "Bring it on" when it's someone else's kids in the line of fire. Social Security is threatened by the same people who want you to believe trees cause pollution. Can you imagine gambling your Golden Years savings account on stock market bets? Will rich stock and bond owners or the poor and middle class benefit when the demand for stocks and bonds is increased? Other retirement pensions that were likewise earned in exchange for folks giving the best years of their lives are threatened by the companies that once promised them. Extremely rich people have an attitude toward wealth and power...they can never have enough. They see a pension fund or a widow's house and say: "How can we get some of that?" They are then not satisfied until they have all of it. One time guaranteed retirement health benefits are snatched away with the stroke of a pen. The President vows to preserve Social Security with a smirk even as young Republicans chant: "One-Two-Three-Four, Social Security Out The Door." A steady stream of illegal workers floods across our borders and force wages to drop and crime to rise. Our caring government makes sure there are advantages to shipping jobs overseas. We're considering moving border patrol agents to the Canada border to stop seniors from buying cheaper prescriptions while drug dealers skip across the Mexican border virtually unchecked. Only the rich can afford medicines or health insurance. There really are people who saved our tails by struggling through the Great Depression and risking their lives in World War Two who now must choose sometimes between buying their food or their prescriptions. These people built our modern economy from the ashes of disaster. Gasoline will soon again exceed $3 a gallon. High ranking government officials regularly leave the government for positions with major oil companies and other industries they once regulated. The Vice President refused to tell who he met with to secretly create energy policies. The super rich get huge tax cuts fueled by deficit spending and the middle class gets reminded of their bootstraps. The National Debt will exceed 8 TRILLION DOLLARS. In the time it takes you to read this and send me an angry complaint that I'm not supporting America, the National Debt will increase by $1,640,000,000. The line between politics and religion is being erased. Will religion get cleaner when mixed with partisan political issues? What happens to water when you mix it with mud? For the super rich, nothing (except money and power) is sacred. The Marxists erred when they said "Religion is the opiate of the people." Religion is now the tool of the rich and powerful to mislead the people. Something called The Patriot Act can be used to secretly monitor your reading habits and even an American citizen can be held without basic legal rights. But it's all OK. We'll keep electing bobble heads to go to Washington and fight that evil Gay marriage! Good luck.