ABOUT THE AUTHOR

One great uncle must have boarded horses and provided wagons, stable space and things like that because the old court records always mention horse thievery after his name. I'm not totally fluent in the Belarussian language but I have figured out that a Byelorussian horse thievery must be something like what the Americans called a livery. One old newspaper clipping made mention that my uncle was an animal lover. Whenever a horse was reported missing my great uncle was often cited for finding it.

Another uncle was a local detektiv (detective) although several of the records make the apparently common typographical error of using the similar word "defektiv". He could have been one of those psychic detectives because one source said he was a noted "mental defektiv". I couldn't translate the gist of the article because it was written in High Belarus and my family spoke the older Low Belarus.

In more recent times I had an uncle who invented an alcohol fueled automobile called a Stupor. I remember my aunt telling everyone in her broken English and heavy accent that her husband came home every night in an alcohol fueled Stupor. I imagine Chevrolet or Ford or some other company probably put him out of business. Those big corporations have a lot of influence in courts because the last I heard he was no longer allowed to even drive in the county.

At the right is a photo of the first (and only) automobile in Milford in 1911. The driver is Dale "Fireball" Potemkin, a relative of the above mentioned inventor of the alcohol fueled Stupor. Dale Potemkin is pictured approaching the Milford bridge site as he drove along the road that would later be named Route 126. This auto was a steamer that used coal to fire the small boiler. Dale was the inventor of the seat belt—a device used to keep a six pack from flying free in a collision.

		(Left) The following year, Cale Potemkin introduced the second auto in the county. There followed a series of auto crashes ranging from this fender bender to a full speed, head on collision. It seems neither Potemkin was able to invent a suitable steering wheel or brakes of any kind. The most serious crash sent both drivers to Milford's St. Sepsis Hospital with minor cuts and bruises. Both narrowly survived their stays in the famous hospital. Some hospitals are known as teaching hospitals and some are associated with certain medical specialties. St. Sepsis has always been associated with post operative infections. Indeed, for the benefit of you hell bound non Catholics, Saint Sepsis is the patron saint of blood poisoning and lost surgical sponges.

The automobile has long been an important item in the local culture and economy. Indeed, auto body repair and traffic fines are a staple of the local economy. It is widely believed that such things as the amusement park attraction of "dodge em" cars and the demolition derby grew out of someone observing a Milford High School driver's ed class.

In the old days, duels would be fought over insults directed at someone's vehicle (pronounced: vee—hickle). In modern times many a fist fight follows a comment or even a look directed at an auto. So many babies have been conceived in the back seats of Milford autos that the four local drive in theaters are sometimes referred to as fertility clinics. One drive in still does a brisk business despite having had its screen blow down several years ago.

One difficulty you often encounter when doing genealogy concerns the habit of many Northern Europeans to change their names upon arrival on Ellis Island. Many would take a simpler name—usually one most often associated with their job skill or profession. Hence you see quite a few Carpenters, Farmers, Shippers and the like. Family oral tradition speaks of an Uncle Prescott Potemkin who ran a horticulture business in the old country that specialized in growing and caring for decorative plants and the like. It is believed his son Prescott Jr. settled near Kennebunkport, Maine and became quite important but I have concluded the story may be a myth. Figuring he changed his name, I have thoroughly checked Maine's genealogical sources under the names Prescott Horticulture, Prescott Hortic, Prescott Plant and even the long shot Prescott Shrub. Nothing has turned up and I have given up the search.

THE GREAT PEASANT UPRISING OF 1934

A Milford peasant (in suspenders) rises to make a point. Tens of thousands of local peasants rose up in 1934 in an attempt to have the Potemkins declared a royal family. They wished to install their beloved Huey "Kingfish" Potemkin as king of the city. The National Guard was called out to quell the rioting that followed. The beautiful city hall (in the background) was burned to the ground in the unsuccessful uprising. The destruction of the building marked the end of the national movement to have the nation's capital moved to Milford.

So how did Gregory Potemkin really become the great historian of Milford history? A little real history lesson is in order, I am named after the great Russian political figure, Gregory Potemkin. He was a near legendary figure in Russian history. As aide, advisor and paramour to Catherine The Great, he was best known for creating "Potemkin Villages." Ordered to create cities and housing for the people, the crafty Potemkin would have his workers build only the facades of buildings. As soon as Catherine passed nearby in a boat to inspect the buildings, Potemkin would have the stage sets taken down and hustled to the next location to carry on the subterfuge. Potemkin was my kind of man. It must be noted that I was offered the chair in the Cosmology Department of ESCAMBIA UNIVERSITY. Well, I don't know much about hair styling but I know enough to decline the position—come on, everyone knows you can't style hair while you're sitting in a chair! I also know I'd be better at teaching cosmology than the clown who taught it where I went to school. Lord almighty, he lectured for three full class periods and I didn't have a clue what he was talking about. I finally raised my hand and asked when he'd teach us how to cut and style hair. He started blinking and just wandered out the door. I had a real battle getting my refund for the tuition. They're lucky I didn't sue them for false advertising.

And the real Milford? It was a great place for a kid to grow up. It is both a good place to be and a good place to be from. Keep your sense of humor. Fiction is but one weapon to use against the awful realities we sometimes face in these times. Maybe sometime we will make up some funny stories about Milford. Just kidding—again.